Maybe I’m too young to fully understand or appreciate the gravity of this moment in history. My generation has never seen a great depression, never fought in a world war, never not been allowed to vote because of our gender or the color of our skin, never raced another nation to the moon, never mourned the death of a president, never not had cable television or for that matter a video gaming system. So it is difficult for me to grasp the weight of the world in its entirety in this moment. Maybe there is someone wiser than I that has seen and heard the sights and sounds of America re-inventing itself over the span of modern history. Or perhaps, age has little to do with our inability to perceive the scope of history or our place in it. Someone once said that “We can only fully define things that are smaller than we are” and if that is indeed true, then I find it difficult to believe that any one individual has a total and complete understanding of the events that are playing out before us. I do trust however, in a God that is sovereign and loving, a God of peace and of freedom, one that is slow to anger and quick to forgive, a God that sees not our words or actions but the positions of our hearts. Perhaps only He then can grasp the intensity and future ramifications of this moment in the history of our country. For what many of us see as our world, He sees as a small piece of rock in the midst of an expansive cosmos beyond the boundaries of human insight and comprehension. With that in mind, maybe the significance of the moment is not found in understanding it in its entirety but instead embracing the moment in its essentiality. We must take up the idea that we as a nation have entered into a new generation in American history, one that presents a list of new challenges, new sacrifices, new methods and renewed hopes. Hope in a system of governing that was set before us by men much wiser than we, in a time where hope and faith in a God bigger than their current situation was all that they had to cling to. Those brave men and women pieced together a fledgling nation of religious immigrants that established the way of life we hold so dear, a way of life wherein all men were created equal and freedom from tyranny is a God given human right. This is the exceptional and distinctive beauty of the American way of life. That we, the people, decide what is the right course for our nation to set, that we each have a voice and a choice in who governs our nation. It is not a responsibility that we should take lightly, nor should we neglect to be mindful of the many Americans before us that have sacrificed their very lives for these freedoms we so unreservedly enjoy. So before we ignorantly and arrogantly condemn or criticize our system of government that we so readily reap the benefits of, may we look into the very core of our beings and find there a peace and solidarity that we are not alone, there is a bigger picture, a greater meaning in the events that have unfolded before us. May we come to see that only in our continuous effort towards building a better America and the reclaiming of a broken sense of unity amongst its people, will we ever accomplish the goals of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, that were set before us by those that came before us. Even if we cannot fully comprehend the moment, may we wholly appreciate the complexity and intricacy of the process in which this moment has arrived. We are truly a blessed nation, one that has not always deserved the blessings bestowed upon it, but one that looks to gracefully push forward into a new millennium with the hopes that the earth is not a lost cause but instead a place worth living for and dying for.
No matter your political affiliation, choice of candidate or personal feelings towards the new president elect, may we take pride in the fact that we participated in a remarkable moment in American history. That we honored our civic duty and we counted it a distinct privilege to make our voices heard in our democracy, a system of government which distinguishes us from the rest of the world and the rest of world history. May we now stand alongside one another, one people, united in the ideal that we are still one nation, under God, indivisible with liberty and justice for all.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Friday, October 31, 2008
And the Time is Upon Us....
Less than one week from today we will be staring a new president elect right in the face. Well, probably not right in the face, because I seriously doubt that either candidate will have the time to stare 300 million people, including the blind, those that are sleeping and infant babies, directly in their respective faces. Regardless of whether or not you will actually look the winning candidate in the eyes next Wednesday, it still makes for an interesting week ahead. Many Americans have tired of this election, so much so that people have literally killed pets and or relatives over their political affiliations. Take heart weary citizen, there comes a day not far off when political ads, campaign signs, auto-calls and Roland Martin spouting off on CNN will all be put back on the shelf for the next two years. Before those glorious days can come to pass however, we must do our civic duty and wait for 3 hours in the blistering cold to press a button on a touch screen that will then be reviewed by a voting official and possibly changed later in the computer systems by that same voting officials supervisor, who in the name of democracy, believes he or she knows better than you, the ignorant constituent, who should be President of the United States; just as our Forefathers intended. There are good things and bad things about either candidate being voted into office. So, in a last ditch effort to educate the average American voter, I would like to present the cases for both Senator Barack Obama (Dem-Ill) and Senator John McCain (Old-Az).
Senator Barack Obama
Pros: Senator Obama will restore hope to a nation that has seemingly watched its hope fade faster than Miley Cyrus’ adolescence. Also, if elected, Obama will throw a much better celebration party than McCain. Because let’s face it, you have you tubed his dance performance on Ellen and if you haven’t now you will. At his inauguration party, look for a routine between he and Michelle Obama that will have Tom Bergeron and Samantha Harris gushing from just off stage. Also, look for all the extra campaign cash, not confetti, to rain down on the beaming Obama’s and Biden’s, while the senator’s aides rake it into piles to help dent the bill that an Obama presidency is already compiling. Also an Obama presidency promises to be full of moving, emotional video tributes to the long, hard, cold, dark, dreary, lonesome, uphill, unpaved, chock full of thugs and bandits, covered in glass and nails, poorly lit, unfit for human travel, political road that the president elect has walked (barefoot) to get to this point. These videos are sure to be full of mega-rich celebrities and tax-payer funded liberal senators talking about “the American dream” and “equality for all” as they portray themselves as the every man. Once in office, President elect Obama promises (via Vice President Joe Biden) to make some decisions that may at first seem retarded (for lack of a better term). However, stick it out with him, he’s new and doesn’t know any better. You don’t get mad at a toddler for falling down when he or she is learning how to walk do you? Then why should we get upset when the new president mishandles Pakistan or any foreign policy concern for that matter? This country will not be dictated to by cruel parents like yourselves, you act like you’re funding this learning experience or something crazy like that. Ok, let’s move on to the cons.
Cons: According to a new letter from the future, obtained by Focus on the Family, here are some things we can look forward to after 4 years of an Obama presidency:
1. President Obama has declared himself Emperor and wears a long black cloak, while VP Biden follows him around, obeying his every whim, lugging a breathing apparatus around behind him and claiming fatherhood of every young staffer in the white house.
2. Public schooling is law. If found, home school students and their families are executed in their front yards.
3. President Obama prays to the Greek god Aether on the steps of the capitol and a meteor shower destroys the Republican National Convention.
4. You cannot hold a job in the American work force unless you are gay.
5. We are eventually conquered by Russia. (Ok so this one might not be that far-fetched)
The letter goes on, but I don’t have the time or the legal rights to continue, but you get the gist. I don’t know about you but letters from the future are never good. Just ask that guy who used to be on “early edition”, you know that show where the guy got tomorrow’s newspaper today?. Did he ever get good news? Like stock tips or lottery numbers? Nope, it was always that the blind chick he was friends with was going to be hit by a bus or his apartment burned to the ground because an unidentified neighbor left a curling iron on the stove next to some pine straw she had collected earlier in the week. Then this poor guy has to spend an entire hour long episode trying to figure out which of his neighbor’s has a curling iron and access to pine straw, all the while dealing with unsuspecting and rude building occupants hassling him about his mental health and whether or not he has a warrant. So finally in the end he finds the apartment, puts out the fire, lectures the ignorant neighbor on proper fire procedures, scores a date with her and goes back to his apartment where he finds out that the blind chick just got hit by a bus. See, who wants to wish that on that poor guy? But that’s the kind of world we’ll live in with an Obama presidency. Oh and he(Obama not Gary from Early Edition) is kind of a socialist.
Senator John McCain
Pros: We get to see the election night rendition of the McCain “I told you so” smirk. You know the one where he looks at the camera like he’s David Copperfield and he knows exactly where the tiger went. Once McCain is deemed the winner (after weeks of court cases) we will watch Bob Schieffer weep openly on television, Keith Olbermann gorge himself on his own words and the entire cast of the view (minus Elizabeth) walk off the set and move to France. Sounds like a win, win, win situation for the American public. The cover of all major newspapers will not be McCain at his election party but instead Senator Obama sitting alone sipping a 40oz. on the steps of Congress with the lifeless body of Joe Biden next to him, with a clever title like “Obama bludgeons Biden to death: from the white house to the big house, an American dream gone array”. Once McCain wrests power away from the well funded Obama campaign machine, he will start to enact his policies, which I’m not really sure what they are, I just know that he says they’re different than Obama’s…. and something about ear marks and barrels of pork. Also look for a nuclear power plant coming to a town near you, which means new jobs and radiation poisoning for the whole family!! McCain also promises to change the policies of the last eight years and be a bi-partisan leader that can “reach across the aisle” and engage others simply by referring to them as “my friends”. As proven by the Senators amicable kinship with former democratic vice presidential candidate Joe Lieberman (who I must say, reminds me so much of the dad on ‘Alf’ that it’s scary). There’s really no resisting the “my friends” line.
Cons: The guy could kick the bucket while in office, thereby ushering in the reign of Potentate Palin. All the cabinet positions would be given to “hockey mahms and Joe six pack” and we would probably start drilling in Minneapolis or San Diego, because everyone should have the privilege of enjoying a good view of an oil rig. There are other cons but I can only cast so much gloom in one paragraph. I think this should be reason enough to consider you contact your state senator to make sure that Senator McCain is receiving his daily physical. Also watch for really strange events taking place at the White House, like shuffle board and bingo night.
So there you have it. My next blog will be written under a new President elect. Think of these truths I have imparted unto you over these last few months. Think of them when you lie down at night, when you are in the voting booths and when you speak to your children. Take your children to the voting booths with you and let them vote too, because there is no better person to teach your children about voter fraud than you. If you don’t do it ACORN will, and then you too will owe them money and places of authority in your White House.
Senator Barack Obama
Pros: Senator Obama will restore hope to a nation that has seemingly watched its hope fade faster than Miley Cyrus’ adolescence. Also, if elected, Obama will throw a much better celebration party than McCain. Because let’s face it, you have you tubed his dance performance on Ellen and if you haven’t now you will. At his inauguration party, look for a routine between he and Michelle Obama that will have Tom Bergeron and Samantha Harris gushing from just off stage. Also, look for all the extra campaign cash, not confetti, to rain down on the beaming Obama’s and Biden’s, while the senator’s aides rake it into piles to help dent the bill that an Obama presidency is already compiling. Also an Obama presidency promises to be full of moving, emotional video tributes to the long, hard, cold, dark, dreary, lonesome, uphill, unpaved, chock full of thugs and bandits, covered in glass and nails, poorly lit, unfit for human travel, political road that the president elect has walked (barefoot) to get to this point. These videos are sure to be full of mega-rich celebrities and tax-payer funded liberal senators talking about “the American dream” and “equality for all” as they portray themselves as the every man. Once in office, President elect Obama promises (via Vice President Joe Biden) to make some decisions that may at first seem retarded (for lack of a better term). However, stick it out with him, he’s new and doesn’t know any better. You don’t get mad at a toddler for falling down when he or she is learning how to walk do you? Then why should we get upset when the new president mishandles Pakistan or any foreign policy concern for that matter? This country will not be dictated to by cruel parents like yourselves, you act like you’re funding this learning experience or something crazy like that. Ok, let’s move on to the cons.
Cons: According to a new letter from the future, obtained by Focus on the Family, here are some things we can look forward to after 4 years of an Obama presidency:
1. President Obama has declared himself Emperor and wears a long black cloak, while VP Biden follows him around, obeying his every whim, lugging a breathing apparatus around behind him and claiming fatherhood of every young staffer in the white house.
2. Public schooling is law. If found, home school students and their families are executed in their front yards.
3. President Obama prays to the Greek god Aether on the steps of the capitol and a meteor shower destroys the Republican National Convention.
4. You cannot hold a job in the American work force unless you are gay.
5. We are eventually conquered by Russia. (Ok so this one might not be that far-fetched)
The letter goes on, but I don’t have the time or the legal rights to continue, but you get the gist. I don’t know about you but letters from the future are never good. Just ask that guy who used to be on “early edition”, you know that show where the guy got tomorrow’s newspaper today?. Did he ever get good news? Like stock tips or lottery numbers? Nope, it was always that the blind chick he was friends with was going to be hit by a bus or his apartment burned to the ground because an unidentified neighbor left a curling iron on the stove next to some pine straw she had collected earlier in the week. Then this poor guy has to spend an entire hour long episode trying to figure out which of his neighbor’s has a curling iron and access to pine straw, all the while dealing with unsuspecting and rude building occupants hassling him about his mental health and whether or not he has a warrant. So finally in the end he finds the apartment, puts out the fire, lectures the ignorant neighbor on proper fire procedures, scores a date with her and goes back to his apartment where he finds out that the blind chick just got hit by a bus. See, who wants to wish that on that poor guy? But that’s the kind of world we’ll live in with an Obama presidency. Oh and he(Obama not Gary from Early Edition) is kind of a socialist.
Senator John McCain
Pros: We get to see the election night rendition of the McCain “I told you so” smirk. You know the one where he looks at the camera like he’s David Copperfield and he knows exactly where the tiger went. Once McCain is deemed the winner (after weeks of court cases) we will watch Bob Schieffer weep openly on television, Keith Olbermann gorge himself on his own words and the entire cast of the view (minus Elizabeth) walk off the set and move to France. Sounds like a win, win, win situation for the American public. The cover of all major newspapers will not be McCain at his election party but instead Senator Obama sitting alone sipping a 40oz. on the steps of Congress with the lifeless body of Joe Biden next to him, with a clever title like “Obama bludgeons Biden to death: from the white house to the big house, an American dream gone array”. Once McCain wrests power away from the well funded Obama campaign machine, he will start to enact his policies, which I’m not really sure what they are, I just know that he says they’re different than Obama’s…. and something about ear marks and barrels of pork. Also look for a nuclear power plant coming to a town near you, which means new jobs and radiation poisoning for the whole family!! McCain also promises to change the policies of the last eight years and be a bi-partisan leader that can “reach across the aisle” and engage others simply by referring to them as “my friends”. As proven by the Senators amicable kinship with former democratic vice presidential candidate Joe Lieberman (who I must say, reminds me so much of the dad on ‘Alf’ that it’s scary). There’s really no resisting the “my friends” line.
Cons: The guy could kick the bucket while in office, thereby ushering in the reign of Potentate Palin. All the cabinet positions would be given to “hockey mahms and Joe six pack” and we would probably start drilling in Minneapolis or San Diego, because everyone should have the privilege of enjoying a good view of an oil rig. There are other cons but I can only cast so much gloom in one paragraph. I think this should be reason enough to consider you contact your state senator to make sure that Senator McCain is receiving his daily physical. Also watch for really strange events taking place at the White House, like shuffle board and bingo night.
So there you have it. My next blog will be written under a new President elect. Think of these truths I have imparted unto you over these last few months. Think of them when you lie down at night, when you are in the voting booths and when you speak to your children. Take your children to the voting booths with you and let them vote too, because there is no better person to teach your children about voter fraud than you. If you don’t do it ACORN will, and then you too will owe them money and places of authority in your White House.
Land of the Buy One Get One Free. (Written 10/8/08)
Smear campaigns just aren’t the same anymore. In 1804, Alexander Hamilton lead a smear campaign against former vice president Aaron Burr that cost Burr the chance to be Governor of New York. Burr was, to say the least “put off” by Hamilton’s words and actions, so he in turn shot Hamilton in a duel. That is America. Of course I am being facetious when I openly suggest that violence is the answer to the political smear advertisements that are posing as presidential campaigns in America today. As I watched the second of three presidential debates last evening, I was struck at how spineless our national leaders have become. Now I know that many of you Sarah Palin-ites are lamenting my last comment “Spineless! That lady kills animals with her bare hands!” but stick with me here. Here are my thoughts on how both Senator John McCain and Senator Barack Obama can win the white house for their respective parties.
John McCain: It’s really about Senator McCain changing his vocabulary habits. First and foremost, stop using the word maverick, especially when you are more James Garner “maverick” than Tom Cruise “maverick”. Seriously, there has to be another word you use to describe yourself like ‘grandfatherly’ or ‘crotchety’ or something. The McCain campaign uses the word maverick more than Dallas area sports announcers. Secondly, please stop using the words ‘earmark’ and ‘pork barrel’ except in the case of taking on animal rights issues inside sausage processing plants. No one understands what those words mean in context and it makes obese people lose their train of thought. Thirdly, we all know that Obama voted 94 times to raise taxes. We get it. You said it. Please stop trying to work it into sentences where ever possible, it has no place being mentioned while you’re ordering room service, the staff has complained. Other than vocabulary McCain has to remain solid on his stronger issues. Mainly national security and that he hasn’t died yet. He has to continue to hammer home that he has more experience than Senator Obama, McCain has fought more fights, passed more bills, driven a car longer, been able to speak English longer, lost his virginity nearly a century before Obama, eaten solid food longer (however that Obama may catch up seeing as how Senator McCain is on a steady campaign diet of Metamucil and liquid Maalox). McCain must continue to call Senator Obama things like “rookie” or “naïve” or “whippersnapper” if he wants to really drive the age difference home. I mean it’s just like picking teams for kick ball at recess; you always pick the older kids first, why? Because the older kids know how the game is played and can really hurt you if they give your strategy away to the other team. Senator McCain must continue to preach foreign policy and shy away from issues he isn’t as strong on such as the economy. More about NATO and less about Nasdaq, Johnny. ( Authors side note: Speaking of foreign policy, I’d like to give a shout out to Israel. I’ve discovered that Israel is like America’s kid brother with anger issues. Just like with your brother, you’ll spend most of the time pulling him away from fights, but then that one day comes when you ring the bell and let him out of his cage. That day is coming my friends.)Finally I believe that John McCain has got to stop with his sense of humor. It’s like that infamous Michael Richard’s routine. Nobody laughs. It’s uncomfortable and the minority vote has already angrily walked out the door. Leave the jokes to Governor Palin, her comedic wit is as sharp as the buck knife she skins deer with. I have a question, didn’t we run into problems because our current VP goes on hunting trips? Are we setting ourselves up for an annual “VP shoots civilian in the face” headline?
Barack Obama: Say something. Say anything. Say that you will bomb Pakistan or tax us all silly or that for $15 an hour you’ll juggle and make balloon animals at birthday parties, I don’t care what you say but say something that isn’t on a teleprompter or wasn’t scripted out for you by your staff. I know that when you talk about issues words are coming out of your mouth but none of the words actually ever take a stance on the question being asked or the issue at hand. That being said here are some ways that Senator Obama can increase his popularity and lead in the polls.
• A duet with Miley Cyrus.
• Drop Joe Biden, add Tina Fey.
• Have his own flavor of Gatorade. (I’m thinking Obama-ade. It sounds like an explosive flavor and is a great name for his health care package as well)
• Have a back alley fist fight with Alan Keyes.
I think all of these options all but seal up the nomination. However, there are several things I think that the senator from Illinois is doing to make things much harder on himself. Such as consistently crediting his wife for all of his ideas, seriously the senator of all people should know that America doesn’t want a woman running the country. Plus Michelle Obama always looks one step away from clubbing a campaign activist to death. It makes sense that he didn’t choose Hillary Clinton as his VP when you think the man apparently already has one woman telling him what to do, why would he want another? Also he needs to avoid the whole financial crisis, which is exactly what he has done. Just stand back and say “Things are getting better” when things are getting better and “Things are getting worse” when things are getting worse. The media will deem you a prophet and a “young, brilliant economic mind” and will totally ignore the fact that your next two children should be named Fannie and Freddie.
Keep talking about change. People like to talk about change but don’t necessarily like to take the steps to enact it. Keep talking about hope. Hope is easier to talk about when you’re on the outside looking in. Keep talking about the land of opportunity that continues to ship jobs overseas. It’s a great speech, I’m just cynical enough however to wonder if it can become a reality.So this is America less than a month from the general election. May the most clever campaign manager win.
John McCain: It’s really about Senator McCain changing his vocabulary habits. First and foremost, stop using the word maverick, especially when you are more James Garner “maverick” than Tom Cruise “maverick”. Seriously, there has to be another word you use to describe yourself like ‘grandfatherly’ or ‘crotchety’ or something. The McCain campaign uses the word maverick more than Dallas area sports announcers. Secondly, please stop using the words ‘earmark’ and ‘pork barrel’ except in the case of taking on animal rights issues inside sausage processing plants. No one understands what those words mean in context and it makes obese people lose their train of thought. Thirdly, we all know that Obama voted 94 times to raise taxes. We get it. You said it. Please stop trying to work it into sentences where ever possible, it has no place being mentioned while you’re ordering room service, the staff has complained. Other than vocabulary McCain has to remain solid on his stronger issues. Mainly national security and that he hasn’t died yet. He has to continue to hammer home that he has more experience than Senator Obama, McCain has fought more fights, passed more bills, driven a car longer, been able to speak English longer, lost his virginity nearly a century before Obama, eaten solid food longer (however that Obama may catch up seeing as how Senator McCain is on a steady campaign diet of Metamucil and liquid Maalox). McCain must continue to call Senator Obama things like “rookie” or “naïve” or “whippersnapper” if he wants to really drive the age difference home. I mean it’s just like picking teams for kick ball at recess; you always pick the older kids first, why? Because the older kids know how the game is played and can really hurt you if they give your strategy away to the other team. Senator McCain must continue to preach foreign policy and shy away from issues he isn’t as strong on such as the economy. More about NATO and less about Nasdaq, Johnny. ( Authors side note: Speaking of foreign policy, I’d like to give a shout out to Israel. I’ve discovered that Israel is like America’s kid brother with anger issues. Just like with your brother, you’ll spend most of the time pulling him away from fights, but then that one day comes when you ring the bell and let him out of his cage. That day is coming my friends.)Finally I believe that John McCain has got to stop with his sense of humor. It’s like that infamous Michael Richard’s routine. Nobody laughs. It’s uncomfortable and the minority vote has already angrily walked out the door. Leave the jokes to Governor Palin, her comedic wit is as sharp as the buck knife she skins deer with. I have a question, didn’t we run into problems because our current VP goes on hunting trips? Are we setting ourselves up for an annual “VP shoots civilian in the face” headline?
Barack Obama: Say something. Say anything. Say that you will bomb Pakistan or tax us all silly or that for $15 an hour you’ll juggle and make balloon animals at birthday parties, I don’t care what you say but say something that isn’t on a teleprompter or wasn’t scripted out for you by your staff. I know that when you talk about issues words are coming out of your mouth but none of the words actually ever take a stance on the question being asked or the issue at hand. That being said here are some ways that Senator Obama can increase his popularity and lead in the polls.
• A duet with Miley Cyrus.
• Drop Joe Biden, add Tina Fey.
• Have his own flavor of Gatorade. (I’m thinking Obama-ade. It sounds like an explosive flavor and is a great name for his health care package as well)
• Have a back alley fist fight with Alan Keyes.
I think all of these options all but seal up the nomination. However, there are several things I think that the senator from Illinois is doing to make things much harder on himself. Such as consistently crediting his wife for all of his ideas, seriously the senator of all people should know that America doesn’t want a woman running the country. Plus Michelle Obama always looks one step away from clubbing a campaign activist to death. It makes sense that he didn’t choose Hillary Clinton as his VP when you think the man apparently already has one woman telling him what to do, why would he want another? Also he needs to avoid the whole financial crisis, which is exactly what he has done. Just stand back and say “Things are getting better” when things are getting better and “Things are getting worse” when things are getting worse. The media will deem you a prophet and a “young, brilliant economic mind” and will totally ignore the fact that your next two children should be named Fannie and Freddie.
Keep talking about change. People like to talk about change but don’t necessarily like to take the steps to enact it. Keep talking about hope. Hope is easier to talk about when you’re on the outside looking in. Keep talking about the land of opportunity that continues to ship jobs overseas. It’s a great speech, I’m just cynical enough however to wonder if it can become a reality.So this is America less than a month from the general election. May the most clever campaign manager win.
Mike Huckabee didn't come here to lose. (written 2/18/08)
As my last political note makes the rounds on the facebook circuit, people have stopped me around campus and asked me "Hey, do you have gum?" I'm unsure as to why this occurs on nearly a daily basis and it has little relevance to my current topic, but just a quick personal insight into my life. I seemingly left out a candidate in my last review of current politics. In my defense I left this individual out because I truly believed that Carrie Underwood had a better chance at being named president than this individual. (Which is foolish because we all know women can't be president) But due to the recent successes of Mike Huckabee in grassroots ( a polite political term for "Hick") states, I feel that I must give the American public a better view of this clergymen turned conservative.
Mike Huckabee- Mike Huckabee was born on a cold blustery August morn in 1955. On the very day he was born the clouds parted and God spoke saying "This is my son with whom I am well pleased." Since then Mike Huckabee has never made a mistake, never said a cuss word, sneezed without covering his mouth, let children in the state of Arkansas go hungry at night or voted with the hedonist liberals on any bill. Repeat in CAPS for empahasis, ANY BILL. Mike Huckabee is the true conservative choice for president of the United States. He has already won the support of all conservative heroes. Huckabee is endorsed by Chuck Norris, Jesus and 11 of the 12 disciples ( Judas Iscariot is voting for Obama). Mike Huckabee understands America needs a candidate that refuses to lose. He is the working man's Jeff Gordon. A fierce competitor that everyone loves to hate because he's so good and also because his car is a little gay. Even when the odds are stacked high against him, by say I don't know, 613 republican delegates, Huckabee refuses to pack it in. Take that Mormons, you bunch of quitters.Huckabee's soul/sole powered campaign supporters are unafraid to base their support for their champion's bid for the presidency based on religious beliefs alone. So what that alot of his policies are moderate at best and (gasp!) leaning liberal at worst, he used to be a preacher! A preacher!! Since when did we start electing presidents based on their ability efficiently manage the country?? We want somebody that will listen to us as "we take America back for Jesus !!"(televangelist voice not included) Huckabee's supporters are unafraid to use calvary's hill to boost Huck's rise to capitol hill. America needs a savior, and last I checked Jesus isn't running. So why not vote for the candidate that might have Chuck Norris roundhouse John McCain in a debate. I mean what red blooded American would not pay to see that? I know I would.
Fun Fact: Many conservative consultants have encouraged Governor Huckabee to further advance his patriotism by changing his name to Mike Huck-Finn.
Mike Huckabee- Mike Huckabee was born on a cold blustery August morn in 1955. On the very day he was born the clouds parted and God spoke saying "This is my son with whom I am well pleased." Since then Mike Huckabee has never made a mistake, never said a cuss word, sneezed without covering his mouth, let children in the state of Arkansas go hungry at night or voted with the hedonist liberals on any bill. Repeat in CAPS for empahasis, ANY BILL. Mike Huckabee is the true conservative choice for president of the United States. He has already won the support of all conservative heroes. Huckabee is endorsed by Chuck Norris, Jesus and 11 of the 12 disciples ( Judas Iscariot is voting for Obama). Mike Huckabee understands America needs a candidate that refuses to lose. He is the working man's Jeff Gordon. A fierce competitor that everyone loves to hate because he's so good and also because his car is a little gay. Even when the odds are stacked high against him, by say I don't know, 613 republican delegates, Huckabee refuses to pack it in. Take that Mormons, you bunch of quitters.Huckabee's soul/sole powered campaign supporters are unafraid to base their support for their champion's bid for the presidency based on religious beliefs alone. So what that alot of his policies are moderate at best and (gasp!) leaning liberal at worst, he used to be a preacher! A preacher!! Since when did we start electing presidents based on their ability efficiently manage the country?? We want somebody that will listen to us as "we take America back for Jesus !!"(televangelist voice not included) Huckabee's supporters are unafraid to use calvary's hill to boost Huck's rise to capitol hill. America needs a savior, and last I checked Jesus isn't running. So why not vote for the candidate that might have Chuck Norris roundhouse John McCain in a debate. I mean what red blooded American would not pay to see that? I know I would.
Fun Fact: Many conservative consultants have encouraged Governor Huckabee to further advance his patriotism by changing his name to Mike Huck-Finn.
An Open Letter to America Haters (written 2/4/08)
I am an American that loves America. By that I mean that I love all things that represent this wonderful republic set forth by our founding fathers more than 1,000 years ago. We are coming up on a critical juncture in the history of our blessed nation. The 2008 presidential election looms over us like tax day looms over Wesley Snipes. The candidates have scratched and clawed their way to this point in the campaign, oftentimes ignoring everything (pain, fatigue, the facts) in their personal bid to reside at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. The field has been narrowed to four legitimate contenders, the Final Four if you will. There are two republican candidates (known as the “good guys”) and two democratic candidates (known as “baby killers”). In case you have been away from the country or in the case you do not speak English because you are here illegally, here is a brief description of each of the candidates.
Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton- Senator Clinton is trying to become the first person to ever be President twice. Technically her husband Bill Clinton was president from 1993-2001, but we all know who wears the pants suit in that family. Hillary is Geppetto and Bill is Pinnochio, as was evidenced by that whole Lewinsky situation. Since she left office in 2001, Clinton has busied herself as a senator from someone else’s state. In 2007 Clinton made clear her intentions to run for President of the United States, prompting southern men from all over to invoke the phrase “If she wins I’ll move to Guam”. Clinton was the early leader in all-national polls, prompting U-Haul to begin delivering to Guam, and forcing the nation to recognize that, unlike when they originally told us with that whole right to vote and feminist thing; women really can do things now. Senator Clinton has been strong on the issues, mainly her issues with the Bush Administration and Senator Barack Obama’s family origins. Hillary has won the democratic primaries in New Hampshire and Florida, proving that failing eyesight in seniors and illiteracy in New Hampshire can indeed be determining factors at polling places. Clinton’s lead has slipped as of late thanks to her continual need to nag and whine about other candidates, but who didn’t see that coming?
Fun Fact: Senator Clinton recently began to use the name Rodham, thereby subconsciously winning the vote of all Chicago Bulls fans from the late 90’s. Many mistaking her to have some relation to former bull Dennis Rodman.
Senator Barack Obama- First of all, let’s disregard the facts and just base our arguments on stereotypes, the fact that his name sounds like Osama and that email your hard core conservative grandmother sent you. This guy might as well be Darth Vader. If you love America it is your God given duty to not only not vote for Barack Hussein Obama, but to make sure to not listen to anything he says. Even if it sounds sensible or intelligent, his words are nothing but clever Al Queda tricks to woo you into handing over our country to those vile middle-eastern tricksters. Who cares about national health care, ending the war or hope in America? We care about what our forefathers cared about, that being the right to bear arms and American Idol. Obama won South Carolina and Iowa, but who cares about those states?? One of them already tried to secede and the other has no redeeming value inside the continental United States except that it gets to do an early primary. I mean really what is Iowa good for? If you love liberty and freedom do not vote for Barack Obama. If you prefer the Bible to the Koran, do not vote for Barack Obama. If you want to see your children grow up outside of prison camps, do not vote for Barack Obama.
Fun Fact: Barack Hussein Obama was slated to be the twentieth hijacker on September 11th but a late conference call caused him to miss his flight.(Last sentence paid for by Hillary Clinton for President)
Governor Mitt Romney- If you rearrange the letters in the name Mitt Romney, you get: Mormen Tity. I think that chilling statement says enough about this cultist turned candidate. Mitt Romney is the former governor of Massachusetts and is a big fat Mormon. He has just recently changed his position on the issues that make you a republican, those issues being abortion and whether we want the queers to get hitched. Romney early in his political career was a proponent of a woman’s right to choose, going so far as making donations to an abortion clinic and performing abortions in his basement on weekends. (Last sentence paid for by John McCain for President) However, recently Romney has seen the error of his ways and realized the only way for him to become the republican candidate for president was to sweep all that under the rug; a big fat Mormon rug. Romney is for the most part financing his own campaign, even after poor showings in early primaries, the Romney family war cry of “I’m Rich (expletive)!!” can still be heard at Romney rallies throughout the country. Governor Romney also wore a blue pimp suit to the California Republican debate… a big fat Mormon pimp suit.
Fun Fact: Mitt Romney once choked a puppy to death.
Senator John McCain- If you could respell the word liberty, you would spell it M-c-C-a-i-n. That’s right, McCain. Senator John McCain has fought and died in every war America has ever been apart of. He brings a raw toughness and vision to Washington not seen since Martin Sheen in the West Wing. McCain has the edge of an old west gunslinger coupled with the compassion of a cold steel bear trap. McCain was the co-creator of the McCain-Finegold campaign finance reform bill, which was voted best make believe bill of the year in 2002.McCain once ran for president in 2000 but was soundly defeated by then Governor George W. Bush. Since then McCain has actually gotten younger and angrier at all Americans. McCain never really says anything except sarcastic comments about whatever his opponent’s stances are on issues. McCain, despite the fact that no one really understands anything he says has been a huge hit in early republican primaries. McCain carried South Carolina and Florida on his way to being the Republican front-runner. Many voters see him as the tough, experienced, “take the bull by the horns” candidate in an election full of Mormons and minorities.
Fun Fact: McCain can be thanked for planning D-day, Bunker Hill and the Gilmore Girls Marathon on the CW.
So there you have it. Information without any facts to keep us from getting bogged down in having to actually think for ourselves. All four candidates are viable to win the election in November, so be prepared to suffer through 4 more years of the losing side not allowing the winning side to accomplish anything. The way our forefathers intended.
Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton- Senator Clinton is trying to become the first person to ever be President twice. Technically her husband Bill Clinton was president from 1993-2001, but we all know who wears the pants suit in that family. Hillary is Geppetto and Bill is Pinnochio, as was evidenced by that whole Lewinsky situation. Since she left office in 2001, Clinton has busied herself as a senator from someone else’s state. In 2007 Clinton made clear her intentions to run for President of the United States, prompting southern men from all over to invoke the phrase “If she wins I’ll move to Guam”. Clinton was the early leader in all-national polls, prompting U-Haul to begin delivering to Guam, and forcing the nation to recognize that, unlike when they originally told us with that whole right to vote and feminist thing; women really can do things now. Senator Clinton has been strong on the issues, mainly her issues with the Bush Administration and Senator Barack Obama’s family origins. Hillary has won the democratic primaries in New Hampshire and Florida, proving that failing eyesight in seniors and illiteracy in New Hampshire can indeed be determining factors at polling places. Clinton’s lead has slipped as of late thanks to her continual need to nag and whine about other candidates, but who didn’t see that coming?
Fun Fact: Senator Clinton recently began to use the name Rodham, thereby subconsciously winning the vote of all Chicago Bulls fans from the late 90’s. Many mistaking her to have some relation to former bull Dennis Rodman.
Senator Barack Obama- First of all, let’s disregard the facts and just base our arguments on stereotypes, the fact that his name sounds like Osama and that email your hard core conservative grandmother sent you. This guy might as well be Darth Vader. If you love America it is your God given duty to not only not vote for Barack Hussein Obama, but to make sure to not listen to anything he says. Even if it sounds sensible or intelligent, his words are nothing but clever Al Queda tricks to woo you into handing over our country to those vile middle-eastern tricksters. Who cares about national health care, ending the war or hope in America? We care about what our forefathers cared about, that being the right to bear arms and American Idol. Obama won South Carolina and Iowa, but who cares about those states?? One of them already tried to secede and the other has no redeeming value inside the continental United States except that it gets to do an early primary. I mean really what is Iowa good for? If you love liberty and freedom do not vote for Barack Obama. If you prefer the Bible to the Koran, do not vote for Barack Obama. If you want to see your children grow up outside of prison camps, do not vote for Barack Obama.
Fun Fact: Barack Hussein Obama was slated to be the twentieth hijacker on September 11th but a late conference call caused him to miss his flight.(Last sentence paid for by Hillary Clinton for President)
Governor Mitt Romney- If you rearrange the letters in the name Mitt Romney, you get: Mormen Tity. I think that chilling statement says enough about this cultist turned candidate. Mitt Romney is the former governor of Massachusetts and is a big fat Mormon. He has just recently changed his position on the issues that make you a republican, those issues being abortion and whether we want the queers to get hitched. Romney early in his political career was a proponent of a woman’s right to choose, going so far as making donations to an abortion clinic and performing abortions in his basement on weekends. (Last sentence paid for by John McCain for President) However, recently Romney has seen the error of his ways and realized the only way for him to become the republican candidate for president was to sweep all that under the rug; a big fat Mormon rug. Romney is for the most part financing his own campaign, even after poor showings in early primaries, the Romney family war cry of “I’m Rich (expletive)!!” can still be heard at Romney rallies throughout the country. Governor Romney also wore a blue pimp suit to the California Republican debate… a big fat Mormon pimp suit.
Fun Fact: Mitt Romney once choked a puppy to death.
Senator John McCain- If you could respell the word liberty, you would spell it M-c-C-a-i-n. That’s right, McCain. Senator John McCain has fought and died in every war America has ever been apart of. He brings a raw toughness and vision to Washington not seen since Martin Sheen in the West Wing. McCain has the edge of an old west gunslinger coupled with the compassion of a cold steel bear trap. McCain was the co-creator of the McCain-Finegold campaign finance reform bill, which was voted best make believe bill of the year in 2002.McCain once ran for president in 2000 but was soundly defeated by then Governor George W. Bush. Since then McCain has actually gotten younger and angrier at all Americans. McCain never really says anything except sarcastic comments about whatever his opponent’s stances are on issues. McCain, despite the fact that no one really understands anything he says has been a huge hit in early republican primaries. McCain carried South Carolina and Florida on his way to being the Republican front-runner. Many voters see him as the tough, experienced, “take the bull by the horns” candidate in an election full of Mormons and minorities.
Fun Fact: McCain can be thanked for planning D-day, Bunker Hill and the Gilmore Girls Marathon on the CW.
So there you have it. Information without any facts to keep us from getting bogged down in having to actually think for ourselves. All four candidates are viable to win the election in November, so be prepared to suffer through 4 more years of the losing side not allowing the winning side to accomplish anything. The way our forefathers intended.
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