Mike Huckabee didn't come here to lose. (written 2/18/08)

As my last political note makes the rounds on the facebook circuit, people have stopped me around campus and asked me "Hey, do you have gum?" I'm unsure as to why this occurs on nearly a daily basis and it has little relevance to my current topic, but just a quick personal insight into my life. I seemingly left out a candidate in my last review of current politics. In my defense I left this individual out because I truly believed that Carrie Underwood had a better chance at being named president than this individual. (Which is foolish because we all know women can't be president) But due to the recent successes of Mike Huckabee in grassroots ( a polite political term for "Hick") states, I feel that I must give the American public a better view of this clergymen turned conservative.

Mike Huckabee- Mike Huckabee was born on a cold blustery August morn in 1955. On the very day he was born the clouds parted and God spoke saying "This is my son with whom I am well pleased." Since then Mike Huckabee has never made a mistake, never said a cuss word, sneezed without covering his mouth, let children in the state of Arkansas go hungry at night or voted with the hedonist liberals on any bill. Repeat in CAPS for empahasis, ANY BILL. Mike Huckabee is the true conservative choice for president of the United States. He has already won the support of all conservative heroes. Huckabee is endorsed by Chuck Norris, Jesus and 11 of the 12 disciples ( Judas Iscariot is voting for Obama). Mike Huckabee understands America needs a candidate that refuses to lose. He is the working man's Jeff Gordon. A fierce competitor that everyone loves to hate because he's so good and also because his car is a little gay. Even when the odds are stacked high against him, by say I don't know, 613 republican delegates, Huckabee refuses to pack it in. Take that Mormons, you bunch of quitters.Huckabee's soul/sole powered campaign supporters are unafraid to base their support for their champion's bid for the presidency based on religious beliefs alone. So what that alot of his policies are moderate at best and (gasp!) leaning liberal at worst, he used to be a preacher! A preacher!! Since when did we start electing presidents based on their ability efficiently manage the country?? We want somebody that will listen to us as "we take America back for Jesus !!"(televangelist voice not included) Huckabee's supporters are unafraid to use calvary's hill to boost Huck's rise to capitol hill. America needs a savior, and last I checked Jesus isn't running. So why not vote for the candidate that might have Chuck Norris roundhouse John McCain in a debate. I mean what red blooded American would not pay to see that? I know I would.

Fun Fact: Many conservative consultants have encouraged Governor Huckabee to further advance his patriotism by changing his name to Mike Huck-Finn.